you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
