I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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