When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize