hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
