I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
