i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
