I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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