I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
