THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
