One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
