failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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