I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
