You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize