Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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