why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
