your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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