They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
