I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
