Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
