the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
