Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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