i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
