Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
There r osticjed everywhere
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Randomize
