You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
