He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
