i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
