my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
