They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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