Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i black out too much to be "responsible"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
