Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
