does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
