Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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