I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
