Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
