I didn't shave. On purpose
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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