One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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