I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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