Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
