And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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