i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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