Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
