My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
