i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
birth control should be required to get into college
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
