Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
