i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
