I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
