Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
There's a naked man in my car right now.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
