Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
