First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
