I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
