after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize