I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize