why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i will never coherently bang her
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
