I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
