Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
