Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
