Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
