i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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