You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
