WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
