the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
