Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
