I want to stick my p in your. b.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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