ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
