is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
