And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
