we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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