Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
