sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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