So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
