i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
