Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
